I am one of the few who believes anxiety is a thing. My own is on a lower level and rarely shows itself, but when it does decide to rear its ugly head in front of others, they try their best to keep me calm. I have seen the anxiety in both Christian and non-Christian friends. Sometimes it is so crippling they can't get out of bed.
When did my anxiety start? I don't have a pinpoint for when, but I have a very general idea. I started believing I couldn't do anything right when I was young. I had to have been around 8 years old when it first crossed my mind. I can't even remember what I did or who made me believe that. But I remember it crossing my mind and staying.
It went downhill from there. As I grew older my insecurities took root and nobody said anything to make me believe otherwise. I worked hard at my school and when I didn't get a perfect grade I would struggle for a few days. I would think I could be nothing more than a caretaker for my parents when they were old. Yes, I believed I would be a terrible mom as well.
I was able to keep it suppressed for a long time. The first time I realized I had anxiety was when I was in a crowd. It was during the Indianapolis Superbowl...In...2011? They had scheduled two events and it was overcrowded. I lost my group. After that, when I came home, I went to the Farmers Market with my mom. It was crowded that day and I gripped the back of my mom's coat so I couldn't get lost. My mom had seen the panic in my eyes and told me to hold onto her coat. In Wegmans she will hand me a bag or have me push the cart so I have something to do.
This happened again with crowds when I first entered college. My sister and I went into the student center and I froze. There were people everywhere. My sister saw my panic and told me to hold onto her backpack and she would lead me out. I obeyed and she led me out of the situation.
I am also always under the impression that people don't really like me. There are a rare few who I have no doubts about. I love those people because I never have to feel like anything is expected of me. I can just be me without being judged.
I tried to order food with a friend once and I got so quiet that I could barely speak. My friend spoke up for me and ordered my food because the cashier was rolling her eyes and acting rude.
My other friend recently saw my controlled panic. My card refused to work and I tried the way the Cashier said until it worked. When it was over my friend says, "It's okay, Sam. It's happened to me before too." That was all I needed and I felt better and was able to joke about it. She also has anxiety and I think ours is close to the same.
When my Nana died, I lost all self-esteem. It really was amazing, I had no idea I had placed so much of myself in my grandmother. I was closer to her than most of my family. This is the hard part for me to talk about. She always built me up and never tore me down. She encouraged my dreams and hopes while trying to keep me from feeling like I was worthless. And I felt worthless a lot. It's coming up on the 5th year anniversary of her death and I'm not even close to being over it.
One thing my dad said to me when I was a kid...I was around seven. "Stop walking around like an abused animal." I walked in a way that protected myself. If I acted small, nobody would bother me. I couldn't see (no glasses yet) before dad was saved he yelled a lot, and mom was emotional. If I could become invisible, nobody would bother me.
Here is for parents:
If your child can't complete a task, don't tell them they can never do anything in life. That is a lie and meant to cut them down. You are not allowed to treat your children like garbage because they can't live up to your expectations. That's abuse. Verbal abuse lasts forever. Stuff said to me when I was eight I still remember to this day. I don't have a grudge but I can't get rid of what was said either.
Your words have the power to destroy. Do not destroy your children's identity to make yourself feel better. "Don't stir up your children to wrath". Look it up, it's in the Bible.
Remember: Blaming Millennials for being snowflakes is crazy. Blame yourselves as you raised them. Take some personal responsibility and stop blaming the product of your bad decisions.
When did my anxiety start? I don't have a pinpoint for when, but I have a very general idea. I started believing I couldn't do anything right when I was young. I had to have been around 8 years old when it first crossed my mind. I can't even remember what I did or who made me believe that. But I remember it crossing my mind and staying.
It went downhill from there. As I grew older my insecurities took root and nobody said anything to make me believe otherwise. I worked hard at my school and when I didn't get a perfect grade I would struggle for a few days. I would think I could be nothing more than a caretaker for my parents when they were old. Yes, I believed I would be a terrible mom as well.
I was able to keep it suppressed for a long time. The first time I realized I had anxiety was when I was in a crowd. It was during the Indianapolis Superbowl...In...2011? They had scheduled two events and it was overcrowded. I lost my group. After that, when I came home, I went to the Farmers Market with my mom. It was crowded that day and I gripped the back of my mom's coat so I couldn't get lost. My mom had seen the panic in my eyes and told me to hold onto her coat. In Wegmans she will hand me a bag or have me push the cart so I have something to do.
This happened again with crowds when I first entered college. My sister and I went into the student center and I froze. There were people everywhere. My sister saw my panic and told me to hold onto her backpack and she would lead me out. I obeyed and she led me out of the situation.
I am also always under the impression that people don't really like me. There are a rare few who I have no doubts about. I love those people because I never have to feel like anything is expected of me. I can just be me without being judged.
I tried to order food with a friend once and I got so quiet that I could barely speak. My friend spoke up for me and ordered my food because the cashier was rolling her eyes and acting rude.
My other friend recently saw my controlled panic. My card refused to work and I tried the way the Cashier said until it worked. When it was over my friend says, "It's okay, Sam. It's happened to me before too." That was all I needed and I felt better and was able to joke about it. She also has anxiety and I think ours is close to the same.
When my Nana died, I lost all self-esteem. It really was amazing, I had no idea I had placed so much of myself in my grandmother. I was closer to her than most of my family. This is the hard part for me to talk about. She always built me up and never tore me down. She encouraged my dreams and hopes while trying to keep me from feeling like I was worthless. And I felt worthless a lot. It's coming up on the 5th year anniversary of her death and I'm not even close to being over it.
One thing my dad said to me when I was a kid...I was around seven. "Stop walking around like an abused animal." I walked in a way that protected myself. If I acted small, nobody would bother me. I couldn't see (no glasses yet) before dad was saved he yelled a lot, and mom was emotional. If I could become invisible, nobody would bother me.
Here is for parents:
If your child can't complete a task, don't tell them they can never do anything in life. That is a lie and meant to cut them down. You are not allowed to treat your children like garbage because they can't live up to your expectations. That's abuse. Verbal abuse lasts forever. Stuff said to me when I was eight I still remember to this day. I don't have a grudge but I can't get rid of what was said either.
Your words have the power to destroy. Do not destroy your children's identity to make yourself feel better. "Don't stir up your children to wrath". Look it up, it's in the Bible.
Remember: Blaming Millennials for being snowflakes is crazy. Blame yourselves as you raised them. Take some personal responsibility and stop blaming the product of your bad decisions.
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