One of my best Memories

Today I started to think about one of my favorite memories. I was in ASL 3 and 4 (It was a 4 credit class that covered two subjects). ASL is an abbreviation for American Sign Language. It is a language used by the Deaf, hard of hearing, mute (unable to verbalize), Children of Deaf adults (CODAs), and Interpreters.

Anyway, I was in an Associates program for ASL. I struggled in 3&4 because it focused more on storytelling aspects, which isn't my strong suit. But I am learning how to do this still. At the end of the semester, our teacher gave us each a bag of cookies. Inside each bag was a handwritten note by my teacher.

She knew I beat myself up regularly. I was never very good at telling myself was I was good at but my feedback on what I was bad at was exceptional. I still have the note she gave me, it is beaten up and almost falling apart, but I still have it.

It told me to keep going, that I could do it, that I was a lot more skilled than I thought. I almost cried when I read the note. Positive feedback is sometimes harder for me to take than negative feedback. I am much harsher on myself than most people are towards me.

It is still one of my favorite memories to this day.

Just a Pastor's Kid. 

Youth Group

Today I am going to talk about Youth Group. First of all, is it biblical? It isn't forbidden or condoned in the bible, so...Do with that what you will.

Growing up I have had some pretty bad experiences with youth groups. Mostly bullying of some sort. Here are some examples:

Shoved to the ground
Picked on about my lisp, clothing choices, eating habits, father's job, etc.
Ignored
Bitten
Kicked

Youth group can either harm you or nurture you. Unfortunately, every experience I have had except one had to do with being bullied or mistreated in some way. Because of this, I am against youth groups.

Youth groups, if not properly watched, can turn into high-school. People have cliques and caste systems. There are the losers and the popular. It is a disservice to the people of God, the church, and the representation of the church.

Then you are sometimes labeled as weird for acting more mature than them. It seriously is not my fault if you can't act your age. I was taught not to throw fits when I was two, but if I see you kicking and screaming at 13 years old because your mom said no...Yeah, I will look at you like you're a lunatic.

Here is some advice for youth leaders as well:

I suffered at the hands of a youth leader. She was manipulative and cruel. She pretended like she sympathized with you but the moment the bullying started right in front of her, she would look the other way. She would make fun of me and other kids who also didn't fit in. Do not do this.

If you see a teenager is having a rough time with other teenagers or prefers the company of adults...maybe you should suggest that they start going to the adult classes. Or talk with them beforehand so that way they aren't tormented right before worship. Oh, and maybe set aside the economic status of the bullies and simply tell their parents.

Instead be like this youth leader: She was wonderful. I was friends with her son. If I was being tormented I would go to her for safety. She would tell the parents and she would tell off the kids. She refused to put up with it.

Don't make it out like teenagers are supposed to be cruel to each other. Don't make it out like this is normal behavior. All it does is scar the kids who are the targets of those people.

Now I have trouble:
Eating in front of people
Trusting people
Believing what other people say
Believing I am good at things.

Please, if you see a youth kid being bullied or mistreated, stand up for them. They probably didn't do anything to deserve it.

Just a Pastor's Kid

Childhood Story #1

When I was a kid, I was the pastor's daughter of a very small church in NY state. Dad wasn't saved yet, so life was tough. It meant that there was unnecessary yelling, slamming doors, and walking on eggshells.

My sister was blissfully ignorant of the tension most of the time. She lived in her own world of imaginary friends and animals. She always has had the best stories and we all still think she should be writing.

Anyway. As a kid, I didn't really fit in. I was quiet, shy, got along with boys better than girls, and got along better with adults than kids. The other little girls told me I was weird most of the time. It was the truth, I was unusual. My vocabulary was bigger than most of theirs, my understanding of life was better, and I had a concept of death that most of them didn't even have yet. This caused me to relate more to boys than girls.

I started hanging out with two brothers. I'll call them Carl and Evert. They were my best friends for years, I hung out more with them than any of the other kids. We would talk. Just talk for hours, not even play. They could eventually coax me to play, but it would take a while and they were willing to wait.

I was never an optimistic child. My dad attributes this as his fault, we both are fatalistic in nature. We are both slowly becoming optimists, but it's taking longer than I'd like. I never assumed I'd make it to adulthood. I assumed I'd die young, like teenage years. I would come up with scenarios of cancer or other horrific deaths. So, I just figured I'd never get old enough to have kids.

Shockingly, I'm 22 now. When I hit 18 I realized I'd actually live and started trying to figure out what to do with my life. But that's not really what we're talking about.

I still can't handle yelling or loud noises. I'll usually end up trying to escape the noise in any way possible. This includes running away, hiding somewhere, or tuning out until it's over. This is not healthy by the way. I never recognized it as an unhealthy behavior but I do now. In college classes, if a professor seemed irritated, I would try my best not to react. I usually would withdraw within myself out of fear and it would take at least two weeks for me to be able to participate in class again. When my math professor figured that out, he did his best to hide his irritation. Whenever he spoke to me it was always in soft coaxing tones so I'd interact with him.

Since then it's gotten better, I can interact with anyone. I will explain my nervousness with crowds in another post. That one might take a little longer to explain. 

Why Service is Important

After some feedback from a friend about my tithing post I decided to write one about service before bed. This will probably have massive grammatical errors, so I apologize in advance.

If you are unable to tithe, one way to do so is by tithing your service. What do I mean by this? You serve. Period. You can mop the floors of the church, sweep, clean the bathrooms, dust, help with communion, etc. There are so many ways you can help.

One thing that bothers me the most is when the pastor is asked to do everything. And yes, I have seen this more often than I would like. It happened to my dad in a church he pastored. This was the mentality, "we pay you X amount of money. You are the pastor, you do this."  That literally meant my dad was taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, shoveling the driveway. A pastor should be able to focus on his family and the church. Don't force your pastor to do these things if you're perfectly capable of doing them yourself.

Just remember: Sometimes people won't know you served. Some of the best people I know have served in the background. Scrubbed toilets, taken out the trash, vacuumed, etc. Even just baking cookies for our fellowship meals, that is all serving. Not all service has to be public and noticed. It's nice, yes, but that's not the goal of service.

Freeing up your pastor's time to read and study the bible while taking care of his family is the best kind of service you can give. 

Why Tithing is Important

I know, I'm a pastor's kid. Of course, I'd be all about tithing. Not really true, actually. Here is my standpoint: My dad is a church planter. He started our church around six years ago starting from my family. Our church is small, but we were able to stay active for almost 5-6 years. And now we've hit financial troubles.

Why? Where does the money come from? Mostly tithes, and it seems people have started to give less and less while others have stopped completely. Why? Why are we more willing to tip or waiters/waitresses than a tithe to a man who works 6 days a week to bring you a gospel message on the 7th? Also, most church planters/pastors work two jobs. The pastor also tithes to the church, by the way.

By the way, I'm not saying don't tip your waitress/waiter. Please tip them, they are doing you a service.

We are having church on a month by month basis. If we have enough money to continue, we keep going. But since that announcement some members have stopped tithing altogether. As a pastor's kid, this feels like a slap in the face. It is exactly like saying, "Well, this is going to fail anyway, might as well give up." 

Listen. No. You don't get to do that. Don't punish other people because of your pessimism. There are good reasons not to tithe, but if you've been tithing all along and you stop right after the announcement...it just feels like you don't really care.

As a single adult working a minimum wage job...I make $200 every two weeks. I tithe more than 10%. Really. Last time I gave $50 and then I gave $100 because I had enough in my savings. I am at college to learn a trade that will help my church. If the church is no longer there, it will feel like a waste of money to me. I want that church to keep going and if it means sacrificing I will do it.

I don't understand why other's don't have the same mentality. "We are doing such good for the community."  Then tithe so we can keep up the good work. So we can keep giving Thanksgiving meals to people who need it, Christmas presents to those who need it, general meals to those in need. We can't do any of that without tithes and donations.

Some church's bad day of tithes means $100. Ours can mean loose change in the bottom of the offering plate. (Before I found a job I would look for at least $2 worth of change in my purse just so that way I was giving something)

Please, please tithe to your church. The only reason you have one is because of tithes. 

Childhood

I think it's safe to say my childhood was unusual. My father was a pastor from the time I was a baby until I was nine before he took a break. For a long time, I more or less had friends handed to me. Every kid wanted to be my friend because I was the pastor's kid or because their parents told them to. It's not a great foundation for friendship.

As a kid, I remember feeling like something was off. Every once in a while, someone would say something like, "I'm only friends with you because I have to be."   Or, "I don't really like you." Let me just say, even as a kid I could hear the grain of truth behind those statements. They were forced to interact with me, but many of them didn't really want to. It was unfair of their parents and mine to force us to interact with each other. I do believe that stunted my ability to make friends on my own.

Then we have the issue of false conversion. This happens when you talk a good talk until you believe yourself. This is what happened to my father. He wasn't a Christian while he was pastoring. I know this is confusing but bear with me. When he got saved, it was noticeable. His entire life turned around, I witnessed it as an eight-year-old. He had a sudden zeal for the gospel he didn't really have before. And then he quit being a pastor because he didn't feel qualified as a newly saved Christian.

That is when we moved again. I ended up in Texas for six years of my life and needed to learn how to make friends. Which was basically teaching me a new "peopleing" thing that I never really learned on my own. (I was also home-schooled, but that has nothing to do with it. My sister was great at making friends)  I more or less tagged along behind my sister and still didn't make my own friends. Added to the fact I was painfully shy, my sister was like my crutch and I was her protector. Two sister's against the world, it was amusing for the world.

My childhood is actually very complicated and um...I will focus on individual stories from here on out. 

Facebook can be toxic

Sometimes Facebook can be toxic. What am I talking about? People's opinions run wild and people stop caring about other's opinions, beliefs, feelings, or convictions. Facebook can cause church members to go at each other's throats online but act as if nothing happened in person. The internet can cause you to be someone online who you are not in real life. 

One thing I have noticed recently is how conservatives are calling liberals evil. Or how they are arguing with other conservative friends and making thinly veiled insults. This is unacceptable. There is no enemy and we should stop seeing each other as such. 

On my facebook feed (I'm unsure about y'all's) I noticed that there has been a huge gun debate going on. I am not happy about this and I'll explain why in a minute. I have also noticed debates such as immigration, why Trump is a jerk, why Trump is not a jerk, why Hillary deserved the presidency, why she didn't, why the FLOTUS is inconsiderate...

When did we suddenly get so involved in politics? Most of the people on my facebook were never involved until Trump became president. It's like they have a new found freedom to be unkind just because they have a president that speaks what they are thinking. Let me say, if he is saying what you are thinking then maybe some of you need to repent. 

Now we will get to the gun debate. I am disappointed with all of you. Right wing, left wing, the entire bird. You don't even wait until the bodies are cold before you start arguing about gun rights. You don't even give families time to grieve, you start while the emotions are running hot. A lot of you didn't even wait until the day was done. I am disappointed and grieved. What does it say about you that you can't wait? What a selfish generation I live in. 

But, you know. I'm just a pastor's kid, what do I know.